I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
