is wine microwaveable?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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