I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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