I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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