its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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