Have you finally orgasmed yet?
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
this boner is exhausting
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
