I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
15 Porn Memes You’re Only Allowed To Laugh At If You’re Over 18
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.