i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
30 Tiny Celebrity Tattoos You’ll Want To Run Out And Copy ASAP
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.