like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body