so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
