I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
