apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many fucks given?
0.12846
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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