aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
The dick lei will go down in squad history
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
