And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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