We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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