were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
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