Texts From Last Night

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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out

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  (413): my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out http://tfl.nu/0mnv
  Replies (13) Good night (8868) Bad night (1244)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?

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  (702): is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable? http://tfl.nu/ood9
  Replies (23) Good night (3917) Bad night (1591)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"

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  (484): You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?" http://tfl.nu/prc0
  Replies (8) Good night (3710) Bad night (1090)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.

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  (419): Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class. http://tfl.nu/zkx8
  Replies (5) Good night (1021) Bad night (2653)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."

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  (425): He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit." http://tfl.nu/w4dk
  Replies (8) Good night (2215) Bad night (770)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  tell her thanks so much

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  (570): I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences. (484): tell her thanks so much http://tfl.nu/mozf
  Replies (5) Good night (2180) Bad night (670)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.

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  (402): Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that. http://tfl.nu/hrua
  Replies (2) Good night (422) Bad night (673)
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  (417): View more from Missouri

  So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?

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  (417): So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye? http://tfl.nu/90tu
  Replies (6) Good night (959) Bad night (440)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward

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  (206): His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward http://tfl.nu/5ira
  Replies (7) Good night (652) Bad night (321)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.

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  (306): my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets. http://tfl.nu/lsez
  Replies (2) Good night (534) Bad night (342)
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  (906): View more from Michigan

  I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.

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  (906): I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7. http://tfl.nu/m2ux
  Replies (1) Good night (547) Bad night (297)
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm

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  (501): We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm http://tfl.nu/2891
  Replies (2) Good night (910) Bad night (322)
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  (432): View more from Texas

  Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?

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  (432): Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"? http://tfl.nu/bsum
  Replies (10) Good night (411) Bad night (757)
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.

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  (636): Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe. http://tfl.nu/xi9w
  Replies (9) Good night (269) Bad night (913)
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  (561): View more from Florida

  If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes

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  (561): If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes http://tfl.nu/y5re
  Replies (2) Good night (432) Bad night (212)

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