Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
