first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
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And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
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I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.