Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED