i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
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What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
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People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.