Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(314): View more from Missouri

Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?

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(314): Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent? http://tfl.nu/oc2y

Replies (20) Good night (991) Bad night (1982)
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(619): View more from California

Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"

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(619): Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!" http://tfl.nu/5vjf

Replies (35) Good night (5883) Bad night (8429)
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(530): View more from California

Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'

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(530): Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober' http://tfl.nu/1n5d

Replies (3) Good night (2870) Bad night (1034)
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(414): View more from Wisconsin

There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you

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(414): There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you http://tfl.nu/ku1m

Replies (19) Good night (4731) Bad night (1172)
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(216): View more from Ohio

you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission

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(216): you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission http://tfl.nu/qszs

Replies (7) Good night (4405) Bad night (803)
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(970): View more from Colorado

We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.

(303): View more from Colorado

Dude, its January.

(970): View more from Colorado

We're going to do the voices too.

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(970): We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots. (303): Dude, its January. (970): We're going to do the voices too. http://tfl.nu/k3gb

Replies (13) Good night (5464) Bad night (924)
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(713): View more from Texas

Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship

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(713): Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship http://tfl.nu/tzas

Replies (14) Good night (2551) Bad night (1096)
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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.

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(215): i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo. http://tfl.nu/xre9

Replies (8) Good night (1526) Bad night (568)
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(678): View more from Georgia

You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.

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(678): You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk. http://tfl.nu/2vvu

Replies (3) Good night (961) Bad night (1353)
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(310): View more from California

Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.

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(310): Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it. http://tfl.nu/jpod

Replies (5) Good night (1225) Bad night (508)
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(207): View more from Maine

I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.

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(207): I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive. http://tfl.nu/8kly

Replies (6) Good night (1272) Bad night (457)
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(609): View more from New Jersey

I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.

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(609): I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains. http://tfl.nu/mhck

Replies (2) Good night (398) Bad night (811)
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(732): View more from New Jersey

I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.

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(732): I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already. http://tfl.nu/laji

Replies (2) Good night (522) Bad night (241)
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(407): View more from Florida

Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.

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(407): Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class. http://tfl.nu/mt7c

Replies (0) Good night (537) Bad night (222)
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(771): View more from

Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.

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(771): Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch. http://tfl.nu/xmqw

Replies (2) Good night (481) Bad night (212)

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