i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible