That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
