He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
