I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
