Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
