I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
