He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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