dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
