She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
