Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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