I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize