Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I want to make a zoo with you.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
