he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize