if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
