I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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