I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
