Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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