Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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