You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
