Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
