You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
