so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
