dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.