I'm eating all of the evidence.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
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I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
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We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?