What did we do last night that was yellow?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone