you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.