im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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