I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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