Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize