Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
