This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
