i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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