Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
