i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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