My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
