Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
My pussy is not your playground.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
