She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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