Your tits are I can't wait for
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
We need a shit load of segways right now
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
