I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
