We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize
