You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
