my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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