I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
