u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
