My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
