Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
