How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
