im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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