I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
