sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
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he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
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When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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