I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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