either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
