Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
