does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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