yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
it's not cheating when I paid for it
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
