even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
