Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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