you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Dick very happy bro
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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