A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
