FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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