just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Randomize
