why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
And then my night got REAL pukey
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
