There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
