u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
