Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
