she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
