Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
