Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
