he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
