..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
i now understand why vodka
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
